Thank you SO much for ensuring my night was far from restful. I lay awake until 3am, listening to the 'thunka thunka' of the rap music emanating from your house. As a result I am tired and cranky today, which my family really appreciates.
We seem to have had similar conversations before, but you clearly have forgotten all about them. So, I'll remind you:
You have the right to do what you please IN your home, yes . . . but when what you're doing encroaches on what I'm doing, we have a problem. You don't live half a mile away from everyone else; we're in pretty close proximity – and so we have to respect other people's peace, quiet and privacy.
When your music drowns out my TV – despite all the doors and windows being closed in my house – then it's TOO FUCKING LOUD.
When your music is audible over the sound of a train passing by and blaring it's horn – then it's TOO FUCKING LOUD.
It wouldn't have been so bad if you'd have turned it down or off at a decent hour – midnight would have been good – but you didn't do that. Oh no, you went on and on until 3 o'clock in the fucking morning.
We went through this last year and the year before; around Thanksgiving you seem to lose your fucking mind and party every fucking weekend. Last year I called the police because you had left your 13 year old in charge of gawd knows how many kids whilst you were across the street drinking. She took a page out of your book and cranked that stereo up so loud that I couldn't hear The Hubs talking to me in a normal voice. I decided that rather than take abuse again (remember the last time I asked you to turn it down? I do. Vividly. You called me a fucking bitch) I'd simply call the Law Enforcement desk. I knew the cop who responded, by the way. He said that he could hear the music as soon as he turned onto our street and knew exactly which house it was coming from. Apparently I'm not the only one complaining about your noise.
You seem to have mistaken my tolerance for weakness and I feel that you're taking advantage of it. So, this is your official heads-up: I am implementing a zero tolerance policy regarding your noise. I'm not going to bother coming over and talking to you, I'm just going to call law enforcement and I'm going to do it every single time you disturb my peace. If it comes to it, I'm going to find out who your First Sgt is and I'm going to call him. I'm done with you, period. You think I was a bitch before? You aint seen nothing yet, assclown.
I want you to get a taste of what a pain in the ass you're being, so I hope you get hemorrhoids. Big, pulsating hemorrhoids hanging out of your rear end, so painful that you have to sit on an inflatable ring and can't shit without screaming.
Eat shit and die,