Sunday, November 30, 2008

Meaningless meme

I stole this from Dr Monkey Von Monkerstein over at Monkey Muck (who also has some GREAT commentary on the WalMart trampling death, btw). Feel free to steal it from me (although is it really stealing if I tell you you can have it?)

1. Five names you go by:a) NinjaMedic b) Karen c) Dharma d) Sunny e) Mawm

2. Three things you are wearing right now:a) white long sleeves tee b) grey yoga pants c) navy blue EMT hat.

3. Two things you want very badly at the moment:a) for the police to be able to identify the people who trampled that man to death and successfully charge them b) for my neighbors to suddenly grow a conscience and quit being such noisy fuckers ALL day and most of the night.

4. Three people who will probably fill this out:a) Epi b) c) Mars

5. Two things you did last night:a) slept decently for half the night b) ate chocolate and jelly belly candy canes (and they were both very yummy)

6. Two things you ate today:a) loaded nachos (Urbaner cooked the meat for tacos so I used it for nachos) b) a tangerine (which was also yummy).

7. Two people you last talked to on the phone:a) my mom b) my mother in law

8. Two things you are going to do tomorrow:a) physical therapy b) knit.

9. Two longest car rides:a) Scott AFB, Illinois to Gulfport, Mississippi b) Rapid City, South Dakota to Vincennes, Indiana

10. Two of your favorite beverages:a) Starbucks Kitamu blend coffee - black with sugar b) coca cola.

Have at it, people! Can't wait to see your answers!

Sunday randomness

1. I have a pulley on the bathroom door that the physicqal therapist gave me. I hold on to the handles, relax my left arm, and pull the string with my right raises my left arm up above my head. I can now get my left arm up to 140 degrees without excruciating pain.

2. Crossing my left arm over my body is altogether a different matter. That shirt hurts.

3. Whilst therapy isn't as painful as I'd expected, it still hurts. I'm dismayed that I still need to take percocet...I thought I'd be done by now.

4. Something smells off in the fridge. I was going to clean it today before we went grocery shopping, but have managed to persuade Numbah Two to do it instead. Hooray!

5. Hearing witnesses say 'but I've been in line since yesterday so I'm going to keep shopping' re: the WalMart clerk getting trampled to death in NY makes me disgusted with humanity in general. Is there ANY bargain that's worth someone's LIFE? Apparently a certain subset of the population thinks so. People have become so materialistic - it's as if they have been brainwashed into thinking that they aren't worth anything unless they have a brand new car and a big screen TV; it's not WHO they are that matters to them, it's WHAT they have. I don't get it.

6. I'm making socks for my in-laws for Christmas. My brother in law is a teacher, so he's getting socks in his school's colors. My father in law is a big Colts fan, so he's getting blue and white striped ones. My mother in law is getting pink and white fairisle striped ones. My brother in law also is getting a matching hat and scarf - I made him a hat 2 years ago and he has, according to my mother in law, worn it out. So, he's getting all hand made stuff from us this year.

7. I am able to turn out a pair of socks every other day now if I put my mind to it. It makes me feel productive, to be honest.

8. 'Tis the season for Christmas parties. I got a new dress for the evening events, but Urbaner isn't going to be here for I'm not going to go. The dress is going back in the closet (it's not appropriate for daytime, it's more of an evening dress) until I can find an occasion to wear it to. There's a luncheon tomorrow that I have to attend, so I'm wearing a suit - if it still fits, that is.

9. The BX here on base has Estee lauder, Lancome, Elizabeth Arden and Clinique cosmetics, and occasionally they have boxed sets. I got an Elizabeth Arden one the other day - 12 eyeshadows, 2 blushes, a shimmer powder, 2 lipliners, 2 eyeliners (all full size) a small tube of mascara, an eyeshadow brush, blush brush, kabuki and lipliner brushes and a black purse....all for $36. I got to throw out all the makeup I had that's over a year old and start all over with this new stuff. I learned a while ago that you pay for quality when it comes to cosmetics, so I'm really stoked to score like this. If I have one weakness, it's for makeup and cosmetics. And yarn, of course.

More randomness to follow.....

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Trust no one.

This is an article that's been brewing for a few weeks now. I haven't felt ready to write about it before this morning.

Urbaner is a certified military police investigator, among other things. That means that he's the military equivalent of a civilian detective. He hasn't worked as an investigator since we were stationed at Ellsworth AFB, South Dakota; his career has taken him in a different direction - but he was a really good investigator when he worked the job.

His boss when he worked investigations was...well, let's just say that I didn't get along with him. He was on his second marriage at the time; he had full custody of his daughter from his first marriage and his current wife was pregnant with their first child together. To be honest, I'm not sure why they got married in the first place; they never did anything together and it seemed as if they were more room mates than they were a couple.

He put a lot of stress on my marriage. He and Urbaner were really, really close - like brothers - and he (we'll call him Bill - it's not his real name but it'll work for now) deliberately did some things that he KNEW would hurt Urbie and I. It was a constant source of tension between us, and even though I did my best to NOT let it bother me, I couldn't help but be annoyed and even hurt. A couple of examples: FTS had her tonsils removed right before Independence day and had a bad reaction to the pain medications prescribed afterwards. We were supposed to be going to a party at Bill's house, but FTS ended up in the ER so we couldn't go. Bill gave Urbie such a hard time about it that Urbie felt like the best thing to do was to take FTS and I home after she was discharged, leave us there, and take the boys and himself to party at Bill's place. I know, I know, Urbie is just as much to blame for that. He and I have talked at length about it and I've forgiven him...but I haven't forgiven Bill. He used his position as Urbie's boss to manipulate him; there were veiled threats and hints of retribution if he didn't comply with Bill's plans. The Friday before Urbie was leaving to Greenland for a year's unaccompanied tour, Bill called and asked if he wanted to go over and have a few drinks that Saturday. Urbie said 'Yeah, let me ask Ninja if she wants to go too' and Bill said "no, it's guys only, she can't come". I think that was the moment when Urbie realized just how Bill was. He was getting ready to be away from his wife and kids for an entire year, but Bill thought it was ok to have him leave us at home and go get drink with him. He wasn't working for Bill anymore at that point, so he told him where to go and stayed home with me instead.

After we left Ellsworth we lost touch with Bill. We heard through the grapevine that he got divorced again, and that he retired from the military and moved to California with his daughter...and we honestly thought that we'd never hear from him again.

We were wrong. Last month, Urbaner got a call at work from a mutual acquaintance, telling him that Bill was being held in the Pennington County, SD jail. He'd been extradited from CA and was awaiting trial in SD. The charges?

Child molestation and incestuous statutory rape.

He is accused to molesting and raping his daughter pretty much her entire life. I've had eyes on some of the paperwork in his case and it's sickening. The evidence is....compelling. It's not just 'she said' stuff, there's physical and very detailed evidence corroborating his daughter's claims. He hasn't gone to trial yet so he's innocent in the eyes of the law, but I'm pretty certain he'll be found guilty and will spent a lot of time in prison - perhaps even the rest of his life. Should the judge decide to impose the maximum sentence for each count he's charged with on him, he's looking at 135-odd years of time.

I'm not proud of my reaction to the news. My first reaction was 'no, he didn't do it. I didn't like Bill, but I don't believe THAT', immediately followed by a distinct sense of schadenfreude. I was GLAD that he was getting a taste of what he did to other people; I felt satisfaction that his lifestyle and attitude had finally caught up with him. Karma in effect, in other words. My second thought was 'gawd, I let that man into my house and gave him access to my family. My kids spent nights at his house and were alone with him on numerous occasions. Oh my gawd, what the fuck have I exposed them to.....'

I let that man, that molester, into our life. I trusted him. My kids trusted him. We ALL trusted him.....he was a police officer, someone who we told out children they could always trust and feel safe around. He was supposed to be there to put the bad guys, the people we warned our 'lings about, in jail.....but it turned out that HE was the bad guy all along. HE was the one I should have warned them about, the one I should have never let into my home or near my kids.

He was a cop. Kids are supposed to be able to trust cops. He betrayed that trust.

So, who can I tell them to trust now? If they're in trouble and Urbaner and I aren't immediately available, who can I tell them to trust? They know that Bill's in jail, they know what he's accused of. They know I'm kicking myself for not seeing him for what he was - a pedophile.

Who? If not us, then who?

Monday, November 24, 2008


It's 'Blues Monday' today; the day that AF personnel have to wear their blues uniforms rather than the ACU or BDU (those are the camoflage outfits for those not familiar with military terminology).

Urbaner is wearing his long sleeve blues shirt today, which means that he has to wear a tie and his rack o' ribbons (those are the ribbons that show what medals he's earned). I haven't seen him wear his rack for some time, and to be honest, I didn't realize it had got so big. 6 rows of 4 and two on the top:

The devices (stars and oak leaves) on some of the ribbons mean that he's been awarded those medals more than once; each device indicates an additional award. It's not very clear, but there's on on there that not only has oak leaves on it, it also has a 'V' insigna. That's 'V' for 'Valor', and it indicates that he was awarded that medal in a combat situation.
Urbie, I know you read my blog. I also know that you won't toot your own horn regarding your achievements and military career, so I'm going to do it for you. You're a great NCO and an asset to your unit and I am incredibly proud of you. Great things are coming your way this next year; you're being given some wonderful opportunities and I want you to know that I'll do whatever I can to facilitate your being able to take advantage of what's being offered to you. I love you, and I always will.
That's MY husband's rack.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Happening sucks sweaty monkey ass.

I'm usually a Shama-Lala-Ding-Dong fan, but this gawd. I'm glad I didn't pay to see it in the theater; I'd have walked out feeling robbed of the $30 I spent for 2 tickets, drinks and popcorn. As it is, I'm feeling like I dropped a few quarters down the drain - kinda bummed, but I can live with it.

I have never seen such HORRIBLE acting in my entire life. Ever. I've seen school plays and amateur dramatic productions that had better acting in them. TV commercials, even. You know that one commercial for life insurance where the wife's sitting at the kitchen table and the guy opens the cabinet only to have the door come off in his hand? He says "hmm, what to do today.....fix the the" whilst he's shaking his head with his hand on his chin? That's an OSCAR worthy performance compared to the acting in this movie.

It was wooden, stilted, awkward at best....Wahlberg et al should be ashamed of themselves and their agents for agreeing to play their respective parts. John Leguizamo, you should be hiding your head right around now. You've done some great stuff in the past but this? This was below you, man. WAAAAAY below you. You too, Marky Mark. Zoey Deschamel I can understand being in this, but you two? Shame on you. Shame shame shame.

And you, Shama-Lama-Ding-Dong: you not only underestimated the capacity of the movie-going audience to think, you INSULTED us to boot. We're not a bunch of eejits, you know. You should bear that in mind the next time you make a film. Having said that, it's going to have to be something spectacular in order for me to even think about going to see it after seeing this.

This has left a bad taste in my mouth, M. Knight, and it aint goin' away in a hurry.

Pass the Scope, please.

NM has a meltdown

Friday afternoon was...difficult. I had, in layman's terms, a bit of a meltdown.

It had started earlier that day. I had an Rx from Doc B for physical therapy - passive and active range of motion exercises, to be started BEFORE Thanksgiving. I had taken it to the Tricare referral office, who told me to take it to my Primary Care Manager - who looked at me like my hair was on fire when I handed it to them and told me to take it to Tricare referrals.

*sigh* I do SO love it when the right hand doesn't seem to know what the left is doing and the patient ends up doing all the footwork.

Anyway. I was told that my PCM's nurse would input the request into the computer system, and that I should call the referral office later that day to get an appointment with physical therapy here on base. So, like the good little drone that I am, I dutifully called after 3pm. My referral was in the system, and they could schedule me an appointment, the lady at referrals said.


Not for therapy, or even with a physical therapist. No. With the OT, so they could see where I was hurt, how I got hurt, and what kind of therapy they thought I needed.

That wasn't what the Rx said, and I told the woman as much. She said it was. I said it wasn't, that I'd had eyes on the Rx and that I KNEW what it was for. I didn't need to see OT, I said. I'm post surgery, I said, I KNOW what I need to do and so does my surgeon - which is why he wrote me an Rx for range of motion exercises to be started NEXT WEEK, not in DECEMBER.

She kept telling me that that was what the order was for. I kept telling that no, it wasn't. I started crying. She said I was wrong. I said I wasn't, and I hung up with her and called physical therapy myself.

I asked the receptionist why in the heck I would need to see an occupational therapist when I'm post surgery. She said I shouldn't. I said I know I shouldn't, so why can't I make an appointment for what my surgeon ordered, and how come I have to wait until December when he told me to start next week. She said that shouldn't be the case either, and she put me on hold. 5 minutes later she was back with an appointment for me to see the physical therapist on Monday to start the range of motion exercises.

I got off the phone and just sobbed. All of the frustration over the physical therapy, falling down the stairs, being in pain, feeling trapped in the house most of the time, feeling like I'm reliant on someone else for things that regular people can do unassisted, lack of sleep, feeling like crap almost every day for the past 3 months straight, not being able to work, not having an all came out, and i cried and cried until I didn't have any tears left...

...and when I was done, I felt better. Not bouncy, vibrant better, but calm and reflective better. I could think without my emotions getting the better of me. However, I also felt drained. Urbaner kept asking me what was wrong because I was so quiet - apparently, being quiet is very out of character for me (if you can imagine that :)).

I know that getting upset about a stupid physical therapy appointment might seem trite and altogether superficial to some people, but you have to understand my situation: until I get my shoulder functioning again, I can't go back to work. Working is really important to me; being an EMT is part of my identity. I love my job, and I worked really hard in school to be the best medic I could be. Not being able to physically perform has been really hard for me, and the lack of cooperation I got from the referral office last week was literally the straw that broke this medic's back.

After I see the therapist on Monday, I'm going to talk to the Patient Advocate. I would hate for someone else to have to deal with the level of ineptitude I had to deal with last week, so I'm going to go voice my concerns to him.

In the meantime, I'm looking at range of motion exercises on the Internet so I have an idea of what to expect on Monday. It's going to hurt, I think....but I'm ready.

I'm ready for this to be over. I want to get this show on the road, I want to recover.

I want to go back to work.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Dr Bassman, you're awesome!

I had a follow up with my ortho surgeon yesterday. I asked him if I could blog about him, and he said yeah, we are.

I start physical therapy next week. Passive range of motion exercises to start with, then some active. I can start leaving the sling off for an hour or so at a time, but he suggested that I still sleep with it on until I see him again in 2 weeks. He also said that I could try driving the truck, but not the car (the car is a manual transmission).

So, today I drove. I went to the hospital to drop off my physical therapy prescription. It's a 5 minute drive, and that was plenty long enough for me. It wasn't painful, just uncomfortable and a bit weird and I think that I prefer being chauffered around for the time being. However, at least I know that I CAN drive if I have to.

I can't say enough good things about Dr Bassman. He's an excellent surgeon and a genuinely nice guy and I think that were I not his patient I'd like to get to know him on a personal level - not like that, I'm married! He works ALL the time; that man is in the office or the OR 6 days a week from early morning to late at night and I think that were you to look up the definition of 'workaholic' in the dictionary, there'd be a photo of Dr B staring back at you. He repaired Urbaner's ACL last year and I was impressed with his work then, so I was very happy when I found out that he was going to be taking care of my shoulder for me. I have absolute confidence in his surgical skills and abilities - if anyone reading this lives in the St Louis area and needs orthopedic surgery, don't bother seeing anyone else. If you're given the opportunity to have Doc B work on you, take it! You won't regret it.

Ok, time to put the sling back on and go finish FTS's socks!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Moar trubble

Hullo again, peoples of teh intarwebz. Tis I, Noods.

I am in trubble. BIG trubble. My Momma shouted at me and pointed her finger and said I haz been a nawty nawty little dawg. Then she pointed and shouted at my sister Grace and sed that she shoulda known better and that she wuz a nawty dawg too. I doan liek being a nawty dawg, it makes me sad. I tried to tell her I wuz sorry, but she doesnt understand me and she is still mad at me.

It all started last nite. My Momma wuz up the stairs in her bed cuz her arm hurted, so me and mai sister wuz down the stairs wiv The Big Guy and Numbah Two. The Big Guy wuz playing wif me and I got all ecssited and tiddled a little bit on the couch cover. The Big Guy sed aw Grr! Whyd you do that? Now I gots to wash it and he tooked the blue part off the cushion and put it in the washer. I didnt know you could do that...underneaf the blue part was a big skwooshy pillow with this wite fluffy stuff on it. I thought it was really interesting and I wanted to see it sum moar, but The Big Guy sed it was tiem for bed and me and Grace had to go to our room.

This moarning, FTS tooked me and Grace out of our room and after we had dun our bizness in the yard I wanted to see wut this fluffy stuff wuz. So me and Grace sniffed it a bit...and I mite have chewed it a little bit. So mite Grace. It was interesting stuff and I wanted to see moar of it, so Grace gotted the pillow off the couch and onto the floor and we invesigated sum moar. Do you know that the wite stuff comes off the pillow? I didnt know that until today. Then My Momma camed down the stairs and when she got to the bottom she seed me and Grace and the pillow and the wite stuff - cept the wite stuff wuznt on the pillow no moar, it wuz all over the floor. And on me. And sum wuz stucked in Graces chops.

She made this reel funny noise when she seed us. She kinda sounded like sumone tooked all of her air away and her eyes gotted REEL big and then she tooked in a breff and she said WUT DID YOU DAWGS DO OH NOE YOU ARE THE NAWTIEST DAWGS I EVER SAW. I didnt liek that. It maded me feel shamed of myself, so I sat down reel quick and hung my head. Grace did it too. My Momma kept shouting and I knew wut wuz coming so to save her words I went and gotted in my room. She sed YEAH, YOUD BETTER GO IN THERE YOU NAWTY GURRL!! SHAME ON YOU, YOUR BOFF NAWTY DAWGS! BAD BAD BAD DAWGS!! Then The Big Guy camed down the stairs to see wut the commoshun wuz and he wuznt very happy when he seed wut we did.

Me an Grace had to stay in our room all the time this moarning. My Momma had to go to the doctor again. I wuz finking that mebbe shed get that fing tooken off her arm today and wouldnt be hurt no moar, but when she camed home she still had it on. So I guess shes still hurt. Shes been hurted liek for EVAH.

My Momma let me and Grace out of our room, but she sez that we are still in big trubble and she wouldnt let me sit wif her in her chair liek I always do. She sez that she doesnt trust me no moar. I dont know wut that meanz, but I doan fink its a gud thing.

I wished I knew how to tell her Im reel reel sorry for messing wif the wite stuff. I doan know how, though.

I doan liek being nawty dawg.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


There's a lot of stuff going on chez NM this week. This MONTH, actually.

First, the kids ALL got sick. Littlest Ling has strep 2 weeks ago, Numbah Two was sick last Monday, and Future Trauma Surgeon was off school ill last Thursday, Friday and again yesterday. Littlest Ling is off school again today because he's got a fever and is hurling, and FTS is saying she's not feeling too hot either.

Numbah Two joined the Junior Beta Club at school and neglected to tell us that he'd need picked up after school two days a week (he's already a member of the News Team and stays behind after school once a week for that meeting). I still can't drive, so that means Urbaner has to leave work early twice to go collect him.

Speaking of Urbaner, he's been tasked to go on a mission in a couple of weeks. I'm not going to know where he's at most of the time he's gone, and I'm cool with that. I'd rather not know, to be honest. I know what he's going to be doing, and I think that even that's too much information for me. He should be home for Christmas, though, and I'm grateful for that. When you're in the military, you learn that holidays can be on any day you want them to can have Christmas in July if you like. We've been lucky and haven't had to spend too many Christmases apart - other holidays and anniversaries yeah, but that's ok.

We ran into a little issue with our bank account last night: there was an unauthorized charge using Urbaner's card for $152. We called the bank and are going to get our money back eventually, but we still have to jump through hoops to protect what's left in there. I also want to find out where the charge came from; it was an online order for services so there's going to be an ISP involved and a name attached to the order. Right now, though, I'm more concerned with getting the money back. With me not working, $150 is a fair chunk of change for us.

I see the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow morning for a follow-up and to schedule the first physical therapy session. I'm asking him for a refill on my pain medication; I know therapy is going to be uncomfortable. I think that Urbaner feels.....well, I don't think he likes me asking for pain meds and I don't think he agrees with me still needing to take them. He thinks that I should be done and over it by now...he's basing his opinion on the ACL repair he had done last year, and whilst I keep telling him that knees and shoulders are different I don't think I'm getting through. It bothers me, to be honest. It bothers me that he doesn't understand...I mean, he sees me wearing the sling all the time and he hears me whining in my sleep because it hurts (he tells me I do, so I know he hears it) - when I can get comfortable enough to sleep, that is - and I know he sees me downing motrin religiously because he made a comment about how much I'm going through, so I don't understand why he's being this way. I think there's a showdown about this subject in our near future....

I've been knitting up a storm this week. I can knit for an hour or so without my arm hurting too bad, so I've been making the most of it. FTS has one of her pair of socks finished, and I've started a pair of socks for Urbaner's birthday (he's been on at me to knit him some for ages so I'm doing it surreptitiously when he's at work. They'll be done in time for him to take on this upcoming mission with him). I've got a list of things I want to knit for friends and family - actually, some of you who read my blog are on my 'to knit for' list - and I'm going to start that as soon as I'm done with FTS and Urbaner's socks.

You know, with all this other stuff going on, my patience has been thin. I don't usually vent with as much passion as I did in the 'Feck Ewe' article; things just got on top of me and it all came out. The final straw was the email I got from the fibromyalgieur who compared herself to me and said that she understood my pain; that set me off into a virtual meltdown. The majority of fibro patients that I've personally come in contact with both socially and professionally are people who were just looking for a diagnosis, you know? They wear their diagnosis like a badge; they become a walking, talking diagnosis. They go looking for situations where they can use their 'disease' as an excuse to NOT do something. Can't work or enjoy themselves because they have fibro...poor, pitiful people with fibro. A victim. I'm not like that. I'm me. NinjaMedic. Karen. A person first and foremost...not a walking talking car accident. Not a victim. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of empathy and sympathy for ACTUAL victims...just not for people who join the cult of perpetual victimhood and who play it for all it's worth.

Ok, I'm done venting for now. I'm emotionally spent.

I'm going to go work on Urbaner's socks.

I'm a Meme thief!

I sole this from Epi, who stole it from someone else!

The Woman’s Work 45 Meme

1. Do you like blue cheese salad dressing? Yes, I do!

2. Favorite late night snack? Both of these are really bad for me to be eating late at night, but I find myself reaching for Doritos Sweet n Spicy chips or Little Debbie fudge brownies.

3. Do you own a gun? Yes. I've owned a gun for a number of years now.

4. What’s your favorite drink at Starbucks or other specialty coffee shop? I don't do the whole cappuccino/latte/frou frou coffee; I like Starbucks Kitamu blend coffee and I drink it black with a couple of sugars in it. I can get a huge can of Folgers for what I pay for a pound of Kitamu, but...I *heart* my java so I can justify the expense to myself.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not any more. Hell, I don't really get nervous about surgery any more.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Love them, especially with onions and sauerkraut on them. Or chili. Chili dogs rule.

7. Favorite Christmas song? Good King Wenceslas, because it was the first carol I learned to play on the recorder when I was a kid.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee, black. More than one cup.

9. Can you do push-ups? Yes, I can.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? I have a cocktail ring that has an full carat emerald cut sapphire flanked by two little diamonds on it. Urbaner got it for my for Christmas last year, and I love it.

11. Favorite hobby? Knitting, closely followed by blogging and reading.

12. Do you have A.D.D.? No, I'm able to focus pretty easily.

13. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? I second guess myself. All the time. I know I should stop. Or should I?

14. The last disease you contracted? A tummy bug, and I don't know where I got it.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. Noodle really shouldn't eat leftovers anymore because she's gassy and it stinks, Cesar Milian is actually pretty hot, and I think I'm going to boil the kettle for some tea.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Coffee, Coke, English tea.

17. Current worry right now? That my husband's ID has been stolen. Somebody charged $152 on his bank card and whilst we'll get the money back eventually, it bothers me that someone we don't know has his information.

18. Current hate right now? The lazy ass across the street from me who thinks it's ok to drive on the sidewalk so she doesn't have to get out of her van to check the mail.

19. Favorite place to be? Laying in my bed late at night, watching TV with Urbaner...knowing that the kids are all safe and warm and fed.

20. How did you ring in the New Year? At home with Urbaner and the kids.

21. Like to travel? I like to see new places, yeah. I don't like the travelling process, but I like the destinations!

22. Name three people who will complete Sunday Stealing this week: Umm....Chris, Mars, and Epi.

23. Do you own slippers? Yes. They're pink and they keep my feet warm.

24. What color shirt are you wearing? It's a raglan jersey and it's grey and pink.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No. I slide all over the place and it's a pain in the arse.

26. Can you whistle? Yup.

27. Favorite singer/band? Kurt Cobain/Nirvana. I'm a Grunge Grrrl.

28. Could you ever make it 39 days on the show Survivor? Yeah, I think so.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? 'Black Horse and Cherry Tree' by K.T. Tunstall.

30. Favorite girl’s names? Emily Ellen, Georgia, Poppy.

31. Favorite boy’s name? Seriously, more thinking? Jack, Harry, Eddie.

32. What’s in your pocket right now? Lint and what WAS a Kleenex before it got ran through the washer. Now it's just fluff.

33. Last thing that made you laugh? Urbaner, yesterday.

34. Like your job? Yeah, when I get to do it.

36. Do you love where you live? No. I detest southern Illinois.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 5, none of which is over 27" wide. We don't 'do' big/plasma screen TV's in our house.

38. Who is your loudest friend? Mark. He's louder than me, even.

39. Do you drive the speed limit or speed? Speed. Never by a whole lot, but I still speed.

40. Does someone have a crush on you? Naw, I very much doubt it. (If, however, someone reading this has a crush on me, will you please tell me? My ego could use a boost!)

41. What is your favorite book? 'Stiff, the curious life of human cadavers' by Mary Roach. Yeah, I'm weird :)

42. What is your favorite candy? Cadbury's Fruit and Nut chocolate. And Sour Patch Kids. And Swedish Fish. Damn, I'm craving candy now!

43. Favorite Sports Team? Don't really have one. The sports I watch usually don't involve teams (MMA and the UFC).

44. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Sleeping!

45. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up today? My arm hurts and I don't want to get up.

Ok, y'all...steal it from me and let me know so I can see your answers!


Feck ewe

To the lazy lard ass bitch across the street who thinks it's too much effort to get out of her mini van at the communal mail box and drives over the grass and sidewalk instead:

Fuck you. Perhaps if you got off your arse to check the mail you wouldn't weigh 300lbs. It's called exercise, bitch. You should try it sometime.

To the crack whore with the sense of entitlement who didn't want USED free winter coats for her kids and who thought they should have brand new NAME BRAND ones:

Fuck you. Get a fucking job and buy your kids winter coats yourself. Until then, shut your cakehole and be a little grateful that there are people who are willing to literally give you the coats off their backs.

To the whining whinging pill head with 'fibro' and 'chronic fatigue' who just wants to sit on her ass and get stoned on prescription narcotics:

A BIG fuck you to you. Don't ever compare yourself to me again. See, unlike you, I have documented injuries; things that can be seen on scans and x-rays, not something that's diagnosed because all the tests came back negative and no other diagnosis fits. Also, unlike you, I WANT to go back to work and am doing everything I can to make sure that happens. I'm a person who happens to have gotten hurt, NOT a walking syndrome who happens to be a person. Take your Somas and Vicodins and Xanax pills and fuck off.

To the nasty ass motherfucker who hadn't bathed in months and who followed me around the grocery store, finding opportunities to get less than 12" away from me whenever possible:

Fuck you, too. It's called soap, and it's on aisle 1. You use it with water to WASH yourself with - it gets rid of that nasty funky odor you're currently sporting. You're gross, and if you get that close to me again I'm going to run my cart over your feet and break your fucking toes.

Finally, to the miserable old bastard who thinks that everyone younger than him should kiss his ass:

Fuck you. Just because you've managed to survive as long as you have doesn't mean that I owe you jack shit. Respect is earned, motherfucker, and you haven't done anything to earn mine.

*sigh* I feel so much better now.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Sometimes I wonder... folks manage to survive.

FTS has a sinus infection that required a trip to the doc this morning. Because we live on an Air Force base, we get seen at a clinic that's frequented by a lot of retirees and older folks. Some of them are pretty cool, but this morning....well, like the title said, I wonder sometimes how they manage to make it through the day without hurting themselves.

First was the man who called the clinic front desk for an appointment. The Airman who answered the phone was giving him instructions on how to dial the central appointment desk
"ok sir, when you hang up with me, I want you to dial *this number*..."

I see the Airman wince and jerk the phone away as BEEP BOOP BEEEP BEEP BOOP blares out of the earpiece
..."SIR! SIR! No, you're still talking to the same person, sir. You have to wait until we've completed this call, then hang up, then pick up the phone again, and THEN dial *this number*...."


"SIR! NO, SIR! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME, SIR!!! SIR!!!!!!!!!!! No, this isn't the appointment desk, you're still talking to, sir, I did not cut in on your call. You never hung up with me. Sir, you need to listen to me and let me finish before you start pressing buttons....."


...and the Airman faceplants the desk.

Next was the lady at the pharmacy. The way the system works is that you pull a numbered ticket to initiate your prescription. When it's your turn, your number will light up on a marquee board with the window number you're supposed to go to next to it (there are usually only 2 open, and they each have their number above them in big luminous letters). You give the clerk your ticket, he initiates your Rx, and then you sit and wait for it to be filled. There were a lot of retirees there this morning, one of whom was particularly confused. Her number (256)came up on the board with 'Window 1' next to it. She got out of her seat and stood in front of the pickup window, looking confused. The tech called out her number again, and she stood there and looked at him, ticket in hand.
"Ma'am, do you have ticket number 256?"

"yes, but I'm not sure which window to go to"

"Mine, ma'am. See the '1' up above my head? That's my window. You come to me"

"But that lady over there (points to woman with ticket 255 at window #2) was before me"

"yes, and she's being helped at window 2. It's your turn now. At window 1. With me. Ticket 256, window 1. Over here. With me."

"But are you sure? She was her..."

"yes, I'm sure. Come over here and I'll help you."

"but she wa....."

"Lady, either take the man's help or let someone else go! Ticket 256, window 1!!" boomed a voice from the crowd. Apparently I wasnt the only person with little patience this morning.

She continued to cause trouble even after she'd initiated her prescription. When she came to pick up her medications, she first tried to sign the electronic screen with a ballpoint pen (that happens a lot - I see ink marks on those screens all the time) and then didn't get what the tech was telling her and tried to sign the paper prescription bag with the screen stylus. The third time was a charm, though....and she signed the screen with the stylus and went on her happy way.

Lastly there was the elderly lady who trapped people in the revolving doors by stopping halfway in the doorway to coo at a baby in a stroller. She didn't hear too well, apparently, because she didn't hear them banging on the doors and asking her to move. I had to go and point out to her that they were trying to get her attention, and when she realized what she'd done she was mortified, bless her.

I think that part of the problem is that elderly people aren't used to/don't understand the technology that's commonplace today. My mother, for instance (she's in her early 70's), can't reprogram the clock on her oven or coffee pot and has my brother do it for her. She can manage a basic cellphone, but that's about her limit. I had thought that clubbing together with my brothers and getting her a PC so she can email people and surf the 'net, but after seeing how she is with other stuff......I decided it wouldn't be a good idea. She'd have that thing full of viruses and spyware in 2 days because she'd just clickety clickety click on any and everything that popped up. The people at the pharmacy this morning came of age in an era where dial telephones were the norm and there were no such things as answering machines or voice prompt, so it's not surprising that they get overwhelmed and confused when faced with electronic this and that and the other.

Oddly enough, the one and only elderly person I ever met who had a good grasp on the PC and how to use it was an 8o year old who was a patient in the Alzheimer's wing of a nursing home I went to on a hospice call. She was my patient's suitemate and I was amazed that she knew how to turn the monitor on, let alone send and recieve emails and shop on eBay. She was a farmer's wife all her life, which made her knowledge even more surprising to me.

Old people and technology. Not always a good mix.

(By the way, I DON'T wonder how some people make it through the day without harming themselves any more. I used to, but then I started working EMS - and realized that they DO get hurt, and then they call 911 to come pick up the pieces.)

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Noo pikchure

It is I, Noods. I had wun of My Kids taek a pikchure of me an mai sister Grace last week. My Momma seed it and sed that it 'wud nevva see the lite of day again' and hid it frum us all. I dunno why she did that, I fink is a gud pikchure of me and mai sister.

Is gud pikchure, no? She wuz waitin for her coffee to bru when Numbah Two tooked it wiv her fone. I reely doan no wut all the fuss is 'bout.

Friday, November 14, 2008

When hoomins get bored...

....dis wut happenz.
I am hoomilliated.

Noodle Dawg Diary

Hullo again peoples of teh intarwbz. It is me, Noodle Dawg. My Momma is in the baff becuz she sez her arm hurtz so I am coming to talk to you. I dun liek baffs, they maeks me smell bad. My Momma taeks baffs every day but I wish she would stop. She just starts to smell gud to me then she goes and gets all wet and puts this stuff on that makes her smell reel bad. My Kids and The Big Guy tell her she smellz nice when she putz that stuff on, but I fink it maeks her smell wurse.

Today I get to stay at home wif mai hoomin fambily all day. My Momma sez that she's not going nowhere becuz it's too cold, so me and mai sister Grace will get to lay around on the couch all day long.

When mai hoomins have to go somewheres, me and Grace have to go to our room becuz My Momma doesnt trust us. I fink it's becuz of whut we did to her yarn and The Big Guy's time the hoomins left and me and Grace didn't have to go to our room. Grace gets worried when the hoomin fambily leave sumtimes, and I don't liek it when she worries. It maeks me wurry too. When Grace wurrys, she lieks to chew fings. She sez it maeks her feel better. She sed that I shuld try it, so the day that the hoomins left and we were on the couch, I gotted a ball of the string My Momma plays wif and I chewed on it. Grace wuz rite, it DID maek me feel better, so I chewed it and chewed it until it didn't look liek a ball no more, and then I went a gotted another one and chewed it as well. Grace didnt want to chew the string, she wanted sumfing that smelled liek The Big Guy becuz she reely luvs him, so she gotted his new hat and chewed on that. Fings were going reel well and we were reel happy just chewin on fings and bein gud dawgs - and then My Momma came home. She opened the door and when she seed us and wut we had dun she dropped her bags and he mouff camed open and she just stood there. I thought it wuz becuz we had dun such a good job and had been good dawgs, but I was wrong. She sed "ohmaifuckingGAWD!!!! Whut did you do!?!?! Who did all of dis?" witch I fought was kinda dumb becuz there was only me and Grace there so it musta been us who did it. Then she started crying and shouting at me and Grace so we went to our room even tho nobody had told us that we had to go there. That wuz the last tiem I listened to whut Grace had to say, and it wuz the last tiem we got to stay out of our room when nobody is home. Sumtiems I wonder if Grace is 'tarded. Her face is all smushed up, not liek mine. I dunno how she can breef wif it liek that. I fink that mebbe she started out wif a face liek mine but her momma dropped her on her nose when she was a baby and broked it.

Oh! I heer my momma getting dun in the baff, so I gots to go for now, peoples of teh intarwebz. I liek talkin to you, though, and I'm gunna try and do it whenever I can.


Grrr da Noodle Dawg.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Notes from a Noodle Dawg

Align LeftHullo, people of the intarwebs. My name is Noods, and My Momma sez i am the bestest Noodle Dawg in the whole wide wurld. I dunno zackly wut that means, but I fink it's a good thing becuz she hugs me and kisses me when she sez it.

I get to live in this house with My Momma and The Big Guy and My Kids and my sister Grace. I luv everyone of them, but I specially luv My Kids and My Momma coz they gives me fud and they hug and kiss me and rub my belly. I really liek that.

My Kids go to a place they call skool all the time. They go out really early in the morning and they don't come back until after My Momma and The Big Guy have eated their fud at lunch. I dunno whut they do when they go to skool, but i sure wish I could go wif them sum day. When they come home, they have all kinds of interesting smells on them and I follow them around so I can try to smell where they've been. I liek to smell fings. There are rooms in my house that have a speshul white chair in there and there is always an interesting smell coming from there. The Big Guy and Numbah Two boy make the best smells, but they shut the door and won't let me in there when they sit on that chair. I put my nose under the door so I can try to smell what they're doing in there, but they shout at me and say 'geddawaydawg'. I sure wud liek to know whut happens in there.

The Big Guy is always gone away. He goes away before My Kids and he doesnt come back til after My Kids get home. He doesn't smell very interesting when he comes back, so I fink that whut he does when hes gone must be very boring. Sumtimes after he eats his fud at nite, he sez 'c'mere Grrr' and lets me sit next to him on his couch. I liek that. I liek it so much that sumtimez I get real essited and I tiddle a little bit on the floor. Then The Big Guy sez 'geddaway dawg' and wont let me sit wif him. That maeks me sad, so I try reel hard not to tiddle on the floor no more. My Momma sez Im better about it, and that makes her it maeks me happy too.

My Momma has a hurted arm and she gots to wear this fing that makes her hold it reel still. I'm not sure whut happened there, either. One day she went out with two arms, and when she came back she smelled real funny and she had this fing on her arm. I fink that mebbe she tryed to jump off the couch like I did once when I hurted my leg. My leg wasnt very bad, tho, it got better reel quick. My Mommas arm has been hurted FOR EVER so I fink she must be hurt reel bad.

Im reel tired now, people of teh intarwebz. I fink I'm gunna taek a nap. I'll come back and write sum more laeter. Don't tell My Momma that I used her compooter, she wont liek it. this is gunna be a sekret, ok?


Punk Rock Grrr The Noodle Dawg.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

New laptop... new Dell Mini 9 arrived today. This is the first post from it.

The keyboard is going to take some getting used to, but all in all I have to say that I really like it. It's tiny. Like T.I.N.Y. About the size of a portable DVD player. It's going to be really useful for taking to work and toting around; it's light and compact and generally just what I was looking for. Urbaner is thinking about ordering himself one 'cause he likes it too.

Yay for new laptops!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Chris over at Space To Rant got nominated by Chapati for a Bookworm award. He had to pass on the favor to other people, and I happened to be one of them.

The idea is that you grab the book closest to you (not your favorite one, just the one that's closest) turn to page 56 and write out the 5th sentence on that page (plus another 2 -5 sentences for good measure).

The book that's closest to me is 'Elizabeth and Leicester; power, passion and politics' by Sarah Gristwood (it's non-fiction and is about the relationship between Elizabeth I and Robert Dudley, Earl of Leicester). The 5th sentence on page 56 is:

'At first the five brothers were scattered around the Tower, but as the prison quarters became more crowded than at any time in the palace's history, they were squashed together into the upper room of the Beauchamp Tower, hard by the Lieutenant's lodging, whilst their father was held in what is now known as the Bloody Tower, under conditions of even stricter security.'

It follows thus:

'By the fireplace in their one cramped room is carved an entire four-line verse:

You that these beasts do well behold and see
May deem with ease wherefore here made they be
with borders eke wherein [there may be found?]
4 Brothers names who list to search the ground.

The positions of the various Dudley carvings suggest that they may each have taken a corner, and it is tempting to envisage them each working away.'

As an aside, my maiden family name is carved into the wall of one of the chambers in the Tower of London. One of our ancestors (The Peverill family; we are descended from the illegitimate son of William The Conqueror - making us all a bunch of bastards, har) pissed off the monarch at some point and found themselves locked up at His/Her Majesty's pleasure.

So, that's my book excerpt. Now I have to nominate 5 other people who haven't already been nominated. I choose:

Emily over at Backboards and Bandaids 'cause she's 8 months pregnant, still working, and the last I heard she'd kicked some guy's arse.

Epijunky over at Pink Warm and Dry because she's just awesome. That girl carries more on her shoulders daily than some folks do their whole lives, but she hardly complains about it and just presses on.

Kal at Trauma Queen 'cause he's a fantastic writer and helped me pass my final practical exams, even though he didn't know it at the time.

Marsbarn, just because she rules and she won my winery naming contest.

Blog on, y'all!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Syncopal episodes, two handed typing and other asshattery.

I did a very, very dumb thing last week.

I fainted. On the stairs. And I fell down half the flight. When I wasn't wearing my sling.

Here's what happened: I'd felt faint in the shower a couple of days before and had half-fallen, half-slithered down the wall to a sitting position in the tub. I kind of frightened myself with that, so I decided that it wasn't a good idea to shower without Urbaner being around to keep an eye on me.

Friday morning the kids were home from school because of parent teacher conferences. They were all downstairs playing the box of exes, so I decided that instead of showering, I'd run myself a bath and soak in the tub for a while. Can't faint as easily laying in the tub, I thought. Be safer, I thought.

It was safer, alright. I didn't feel faint or lightheaded at all when I was laying there in the water. Oh no.....that didn't happen until I got out. As I was drying off things started to feel a little....odd. Off kilter. Wonky. So, I sat down on the bed for a bit, then laid down with my feet up in a modified Trendelenberg position. I stayed there for a few minutes, then got up and went about getting dressed, feeling generally much better. I grabbed my sling and headed out of the room to go downstairs and have the kids help me strap myself in to it.

That's where things get a little muddied for me. I know that I started feeling lightheaded and thought that I'd better sit down on the top step of the stairs. That's the last clear thought I have. The next thing I remember clearly is seeing the kids worried faces staring down at me and a HUGE pain in my shoulder.

My left arm (the one that was supposed to be the sling) was above my head and I was halfway down the flight of stairs.

Long story short, I had to go to the ER (via POV, thankyouverymuch. I was embarrassed enough to have fainted without having to go to the ER via ambulance). Nothing was broken, just some bruised ribs and, as the doc put it, 'insult added to the injured shoulder'. And a serious case of feeling like an asshat for fainting. My shoulder is painful, yeah....but it's not as bad as it was right after the surgery. It feels worse than it did on Thursday, but it's getting better with each passing day.

The cause of the syncope? I was vasodilated from the warm bath, slightly dehydrated, hadn't eaten that day, and was in pain. My blood pressure dropped, and I fainted.

I saw the ortho surg today, and luckily I haven't delayed my recovery by too much. I bought myself an extra 10 days in the sling, but I get to take the abductor pillow off - which I did as soon as I got home. I can actually type two handed now, which I LOVE. My next ortho appointment will see the start of physical therapy, which I'm excited about - I'm ready to get this show on the road. I'm also ready to shave my left armpit. I can't really see under there too well, but from what I have seen ...*shudder*. Some serious deforestation is going to be necessary when I can raise my arm high enough to get a razor under there.

In the meantime, I'm going to make the most of having my arm in a more 'normal' position, and I'm going to try some knitting.....

Saturday, November 8, 2008

stolen meme

..from chris at Space To Rant, who got it from epi at Pink Warm And Dry, who got it from.........oh, heck. Here's mine:

A is for your age:
39. Medically speaking, I'm at 'that age'....the age where all kind of thing start going wrong and all sorts of tests are necessary annually. personally, i vacillate between feeling like i'm in my 20's or 60's.

B is for beer of choice:
Blue Moon or Rolling Rock.

C is for what you care about right now
Getting my shoulder healed so i can go back to work.

D is for your dog's name:
as the blog name suggests, Noodle Dawg. Her full name is actually Punk Rock Grrr The Noodle Dawg.

E is for one essential item you use everyday:
My BlackJack.

F is for one favorite TV show:
The First 48.

G is for favorite game to watch:

H is for Home town :
Oxfird, England.

I is for instruments you play:
Trumpet, guitar (badly) and recorder.

J is for favorite juice:
Orange with pulp.

K is for whose butt you'd like to kick:
my annoying, self centered, narcissistic and histrionic relative is in dire need of a swift kick or two.

L is for last place you ate:
my recliner.

M is for marriage:
15 years in january.

N is for your Middle name:

O is for overnight hospital stay:
too many to count. last one was in september.

P is for people you were with today:
urbaner (husband) and the 'lings.

Q is for quote:
i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul.

R is for Biggest regret:
not continuing with a degree in medicine when i was a teenager.

S is for SEX:
not lately. arms in slings don't make for great romantic moments.

T is for time you woke up today:

U is for underwear you have on now:
none. im wearing pj's that say 'everyone loves a hot bottom' across the arse.

V is for a vegetable you love:
brussel sprouts.

W is for worst habit:
biting my nails and procrastination.

X is for xylophone (because it always is):
uh huh.

Y is for something yummy you ate today:
haven't eaten anything yet, but am drinking some very nice kitamu coffee.....

Z is for zodiac sign

Friday, November 7, 2008

We have a winnah!

The winner of the Name My Outfit contest is......

....MarsBarn, with 'Distill My Heart'.

Mars will be receiving a bottle of vino from the first ever 'Distill My Heart' winery creation. Congratulations, and thanks for playing!

I'm also going to be adopting some of the other ideas submitted for specific wines, so at some point everyone's ideas and suggestions will be used.

Thank you very much, guys and girls, and I'm sorry that it took me so long to post the results.