Thursday, March 19, 2009

Personal ad insanity

Some of these have left me stunned. I've been wondering if natural selection isn't the reason some of these people are single..

First up, we have a young man in his mid 20's who describes himself as 'Singel and ready':
I am a singel guy looking for someone real not in to games. I work and have a great job have a car and home. Cause I no all you women arent looking for a broke ass. I am real it gonna be warm today. I have alot to offer to the right person. I have pic if you are intersted.

Not knowing when it's appropriate to use 'know' instead of 'no' at his age alarms me greatly, and what's with the 'it gonna be warm today' comment? It has no relevance to anything else in the ad.

Next, we have 'Mick! love hugs and kisses!'
mick lover of life kind soul with good heart with loving arms around my lover i look for a true heart a friend for life one girl who needs one lonely boy to walk beside him every where and she has a lot of love she wants to share hugs in the night time even holding her with kisses on her mine a friend even if she just needs strong arms around her INTO THE NIGHTand just needs a loverTO LAY by her side,don't need a sex kitty but if she feels free that's ever more of two hearts just to be free LIKE BUTTERFLYS she don't have to be anyTHING BUT A WOMEN but just a friend in the NIGHT a friend a lover AS WE KISS SO SOFTLYand never meet again a girl with long hair a woman to hold on to i am good hearted GUY very romantic to,i need a nonsmoker,a young GIRL IF SHE FEELS FREE TO one even that she just wants a LOVER A FRIEND A GUY TO HOLD HER IN THE NIGHT IS OK TILL THE MORNING SUN SHINES ON HER SWEET FACE I CAN BE WHO EVER YOU WANT ME TO ME IN THE NIGHT THE KING IF YOU SAY THATS ANY TIME OF THE NIGHT IS OK IF YOU NEED A HUG OF A FRIEND ALL

Umm...I don't really have anything to say about this; I am stunned into silence. Is this a stream of consciousness ad, perhaps? I sure as fuck hope so, because it makes no sense to me whatsoever.

'IT WOULD BE NICE TO MEET YOU' is the next contestant. He says:

Hi girls, Just looking to meet someone to have fun with do stuff on the weekends, flirt with during the week. I'm 5'9" 160lb good build level headed and fun to hang, goodlooking aswell, really just want to be friends and laugh with. To be honest i hate bar thing, its eazy to pick up chicks there but really no thanks, no angle been down that road and it sucks. Looking for someone from mid tweenties to mid fourtys, you can be in a relationship or out of one. Not trying to just get laid just really prefur haning out with chicks, you gals are way more fun and alot more thoughtfull, and you smell better too, lol So if you intrested in being friends and enjoy having fun drop me aline your pic gets mine. ps I more of the county boy type, but not a redneck.

The last time I checked, 'good looking' and 'as well' were two separate words, not run-ons. Spelling 'easy' with a 'z' went out years ago, and I have no idea what kind of age 'tweenties' or 'fourtys' are. 'Prefur'? That sounds like something PETA would be interested (or 'intrested') in. This person either doesn't know how to use the space bar on his keyboard or he likes to create his own words.

'hey how you doing Are YOU LOOKING AT ME' clearly cannot find the period key on his computer keyboard:
LOOKING FOR THAT SPECIAL GRIL THAT WILL LOVE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME OUT AND ALSO THAT CARES ABOUT HERSLEF AS WELL AS OTHER PEOPLE SOME WHO IS UNDERSTANDING AND KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS IN LIFE ,A WOMEN WHO IS SWEET LIKES THE OUTDOORS JETSKING , FOOTBALL ,NAILING SOME GLOFBALLS , LOVES FAMILY AND KNOWS WHATS UP IN LIFE , WOMEN THAT LIKES TO KEEP IN SHAPE AND KNOWS HOW TO TAKE CARE OF HER MAN , IM INTO 7 DAYS A WEEK WORKOUT I DO LOVE POWER LIFTING ,AND STAYING IN SHAPE ,IM FUNNY, OUTGOING, LOVEING , CAREING, SO IF YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES GET BACK WHIT ME ,>NO SPAM<

He also doesn't know that the singular of 'women' is 'woMAN', that it's 'girl' not 'gril', 'knows' not 'know', that you take the 'e' off of the end of 'care' and 'love' when you place an 'ing' behind them and that it's 'golf', not 'glof'.

This 'SWEET GUY' is 'giving up':
hey im tired of the friend zone i find that i spoil girls and treat them good and it seems to back fire everytime lol hmm im a sweet funny cocky goofy kinda guy laid back relaxed stray away from the drama at all times in school for massag therapy and have a great job i want a girl i can cuddle up with watch a movie or go out o dinner ill pay and idk i would like to find a girl to spoil and go SKY DIVING haha if ur not to scared that is im adventures and love out doors if ur the jealous type move on i have a best friend who is a lesbian and my other best friend every guy wants lol so i would never give my friendship up for a girl i barly know well hope to hear back from u i sent a few pics for u as well have a good night

im looking for a girl who is attractive if there isnt attraction there cant be feelings sry i want a athletic girl seeing how i workout alot and i stay fit race dosent matter im mixed white and blaxk i want a sweet girl or a funn girl hmm please be around 5'7 or shorter.

What the hell is with people not using periods? That is one of the longest sentences I've ever read, and I'm not even going to get started with the text-speak....if I were this guy, I think I'd maybe concentrate on learning basic writing skills (you know, the kind you learn in 2nd grade?) before I went looking for love again.

Next time, women looking for men.....

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