Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Happening sucks sweaty monkey ass.

I'm usually a Shama-Lala-Ding-Dong fan, but this movie....my gawd. I'm glad I didn't pay to see it in the theater; I'd have walked out feeling robbed of the $30 I spent for 2 tickets, drinks and popcorn. As it is, I'm feeling like I dropped a few quarters down the drain - kinda bummed, but I can live with it.

I have never seen such HORRIBLE acting in my entire life. Ever. I've seen school plays and amateur dramatic productions that had better acting in them. TV commercials, even. You know that one commercial for life insurance where the wife's sitting at the kitchen table and the guy opens the cabinet only to have the door come off in his hand? He says "hmm, what to do today.....fix the cabinets...no.....change the oil...no.." whilst he's shaking his head with his hand on his chin? That's an OSCAR worthy performance compared to the acting in this movie.

It was wooden, stilted, awkward at best....Wahlberg et al should be ashamed of themselves and their agents for agreeing to play their respective parts. John Leguizamo, you should be hiding your head right around now. You've done some great stuff in the past but this? This was below you, man. WAAAAAY below you. You too, Marky Mark. Zoey Deschamel I can understand being in this, but you two? Shame on you. Shame shame shame.

And you, Shama-Lama-Ding-Dong: you not only underestimated the capacity of the movie-going audience to think, you INSULTED us to boot. We're not a bunch of eejits, you know. You should bear that in mind the next time you make a film. Having said that, it's going to have to be something spectacular in order for me to even think about going to see it after seeing this.

This has left a bad taste in my mouth, M. Knight, and it aint goin' away in a hurry.

Pass the Scope, please.

1 comment:

RD said...

Thank you for the warning. I will avoid this movie.

Cheers,
RD