Hullo again peoples of teh intarwbz. It is me, Noodle Dawg. My Momma is in the baff becuz she sez her arm hurtz so I am coming to talk to you. I dun liek baffs, they maeks me smell bad. My Momma taeks baffs every day but I wish she would stop. She just starts to smell gud to me then she goes and gets all wet and puts this stuff on that makes her smell reel bad. My Kids and The Big Guy tell her she smellz nice when she putz that stuff on, but I fink it maeks her smell wurse.
Today I get to stay at home wif mai hoomin fambily all day. My Momma sez that she's not going nowhere becuz it's too cold, so me and mai sister Grace will get to lay around on the couch all day long.
When mai hoomins have to go somewheres, me and Grace have to go to our room becuz My Momma doesnt trust us. I fink it's becuz of whut we did to her yarn and The Big Guy's hat....one time the hoomins left and me and Grace didn't have to go to our room. Grace gets worried when the hoomin fambily leave sumtimes, and I don't liek it when she worries. It maeks me wurry too. When Grace wurrys, she lieks to chew fings. She sez it maeks her feel better. She sed that I shuld try it, so the day that the hoomins left and we were on the couch, I gotted a ball of the string My Momma plays wif and I chewed on it. Grace wuz rite, it DID maek me feel better, so I chewed it and chewed it until it didn't look liek a ball no more, and then I went a gotted another one and chewed it as well. Grace didnt want to chew the string, she wanted sumfing that smelled liek The Big Guy becuz she reely luvs him, so she gotted his new hat and chewed on that. Fings were going reel well and we were reel happy just chewin on fings and bein gud dawgs - and then My Momma came home. She opened the door and when she seed us and wut we had dun she dropped her bags and he mouff camed open and she just stood there. I thought it wuz becuz we had dun such a good job and had been good dawgs, but I was wrong. She sed "ohmaifuckingGAWD!!!! Whut did you do!?!?! Who did all of dis?" witch I fought was kinda dumb becuz there was only me and Grace there so it musta been us who did it. Then she started crying and shouting at me and Grace so we went to our room even tho nobody had told us that we had to go there. That wuz the last tiem I listened to whut Grace had to say, and it wuz the last tiem we got to stay out of our room when nobody is home. Sumtiems I wonder if Grace is 'tarded. Her face is all smushed up, not liek mine. I dunno how she can breef wif it liek that. I fink that mebbe she started out wif a face liek mine but her momma dropped her on her nose when she was a baby and broked it.
Oh! I heer my momma getting dun in the baff, so I gots to go for now, peoples of teh intarwebz. I liek talkin to you, though, and I'm gunna try and do it whenever I can.
Grrr da Noodle Dawg.
Not a Fair Race
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