Monday, June 15, 2009

I wonder if she remembers me.

It's June 16th in England, so it's officially my birthday.

My parents are not my genetic donors; they adopted me when I was an infant. Mum has Rhesus negative blood and dad had Rh+. They managed to conceive one child (my big brother) but mum went on to have a ridiculous amount of miscarriages before they decided to adopt me when my big bro was 13.

They may not have made me, but they raised me. *They* are my parents, regardless of who's womb I was grown in.

I know a little bit about my birth mother. She was 21 when I was born; she wasn't married to my birth father, and he was married to someone else. She had complete renal failure when she was 22 weeks pregnant with me and spent the rest of her pregnancy hospitalized.

I was adopted when I was a couple of months old. I came with a little typed blurb about what my background was - mum and dad called it my 'pedigree'.

I know that I was under 7lbs when I was born and that I was a forceps delivery. I know that I was breastfed for the first week of my life. I know that my mother's name was Veronica Howse.

I did a search for her a few years ago. I needed a simple family medical history; I needed to know if there were any cancers or genetic nastiness in my background. I found her. She's been married 4 times, and I have a few half siblings. My birth father is deceased. Her last husband was incarcerated for child molestation. She's had a hard life, it seems.

I wrote her a letter, explaining that I was open to a relationship if she was, but that at the very least I'd like a medical history. I enclosed some photos of myself and told her a little about my family. I even added a self addressed envelope with enough money to cover postage.

I heard nothing back. I waited and waited and, after 6 weeks, I sent another letter, this time via certified mail. I asked again for a family history, explaining that I was having to have all kinds of tests done because my docs felt like they should assume I *did* have those diseases in my family and should be screened for them. I said that if she didn't want to have a relationship with me then I was okay with that, but that I really did need that medical history.

I didn't hear back from her.

It's probably a good thing; if that's how she is then we wouldn't do well together anyway. I can't tell you that it was without emotion, though; her silence stung me. I've kept tabs on her since then, once a year or so I'll go do a death records search to see if she's died.
I wasn't ever looking for another mum, I already have one and she does a spectacular job...but I would have liked some acknowledgment from Veronica. I just want to know whether she remembers me, if she thinks about me.

Because I think about her. Once a year, on this day, I think about her and I wonder if she remembers me.

1 comment:

Chapati said...

{hugs} Ninja

I'm sure she does, and its just too painful to make contact again.

No excuse though. I hate it when people would rather run away from difficult situations to protect themselves rather than just face up to it.

Oh, and Happy Birthday! :D