Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Dating Creepiness

I think I'm addicted to Craigslist dating ads. I'm not on the market to date, but I still like to go and look to see what's going down...mainly to remind myself just how lucky I am to be in a stable, loving relationship.

For example, I could be faced with the prospect of this guy as a potential date:

LACTATING WOMAN ARE SO SEXY I GUESS I LOVE TITS FROM aTO ZZZ IM LOOKING FOR ONE DDFREE TO HANG WITH I WORK FROM HAME SO IM READY ANYTIME TO CHILL,I LIKE BEER SPORTS MOVIES MUSIC ROCKNROLL IM 5-10 170 WHITE CUTE ,EASYGOING,RESEPCTFULLLOOKING FOR THE SAME YOUR PIC GETS MINE SO LETS HOOKUP AND ILL GIVE YOU MY NUMBER.IM NOT GOING TO CHASE ANYONE TO ANOTHER SITE SO NO B.S. JUST LOOKING FOR ONE CUTIE WITH A KISSABLE FACE SLIM TO MED BUILD WHITE AND CAN COME OVER XOXO JAKE

Creepy. Oh so creepy. Ugh.

Next, we have this winner:

Hi this is my second relationship I have went throughand i hope number3 is the charm see i am a very honest faithful guy just because i did a few thing wrong which i think are minor she lost her trust in me but i swear that i NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG I was truely in love with her and she is my everythingbut she dont want me anymore.Your not something i am falling back on because of loving her i have tried everything but it wont work so if you think i am worth it write me i will tell you the whole story and see if you want to love me p.s. Tamm I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

He ends this veritable sonnet with a photo of himself butchering a dead deer. Nice, huh? I wonder what made him think it would be a good idea to post a personal ad for a new girlfriend that basically consists of a proclamation of undying love for his ex and an admission of untrustworthiness. The dead deer is just gravy, IMO.

This next one is titled 'LOOKING FOR LIFE MATE' (caps his, not mine)


This is what i am looking for i thought i had it but it is gone know I am not going to lie i love he and will always love her but that is a chapter in my life that is closed know. i am looking for the one the fair book love dont mean to sound like aa sissy cause I'm not. but i want that love that my ex called new love but i never want it to go away I am not a saint but i will never cheat on my woman but each of us needsto be mads sure the others needs are meet.need help supporting the home not complaining when things happen which are not illegal butthat all will be explained if your interested I AM LOOKING FOR THE WOMAN TO WALK THRU THE PARK HOLDING HANDS AT 100 HOPE YOU KINDA UNDERSTAND WHERE I AM COMING FROM

Umm...if I could understand what you had written, I might be able to understand where you're coming from. And, whilst we're here, I don't think that professing your undying love for another woman is a big turn on for us chicks. Really.

This 'Sophisticated Love Maker' says he's 'intelligent' and 'well educated':

Really am a well educated, and highly intelligent person. Looking for an inner beauty fullfilled person, with attractive outer qualities, also. Seeking someone who's corresponding to my personality. Very well educated and could hold an intellectual conversation, other than the topic of gettin off with each other. Looking for someone whose a well rounded person, also. No decrimination against race, body type, nor age. If ur a real down to earth type of person hit me up wit your status pic n location. I'm in seek of a well rounded wonder woman. Thats young but NOT NECESSARILY N age. If your whom POSSESSES A MATURE mental phase, it's a real positive plus if physically fit, R both, but NO immaturity tolerated. I'm young but way more mature and ahead of my time. I'm an intelligent, sociable, african/native american,biracial young man. Seeking a well put together: mother R soon to be mother N the future. Have a two yr old JR so those of u with children isn't a subtraction, N any way. In search of a independent, spiritual, mature women, to get to know on a personl level. No need to dwell on the past it's a New Year so it's time for New Relations. No age preferences, but must be able to tolerate a energetic, thrill-seekin'SCORPIO, that enjoys very high intellectual conversations with me an Young Trill Sophisticated Savage.

Apparently in his world, 'well educated' means completing third grade. Seriously, dude...you can't spell basic words, can't abbreviate appropriately, and can't construct simple sentences but you want me to believe you're well educated? Puh-leeze.


I have more, but reading all of these is making me nauseated so I'm going to have to take a break. More to follow, I promise...

3 comments:

Chris said...

If I posted

"Retard seeks gullible person"

How many replies do you reckon I'd get?!

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The Bus Driver said...

looks like the two ppl commiserating about their ex's should get together... then they can be both be happily miserable!