Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Daydreams

I have come to the conclusion that the vast majority of people where I live are less than intelligent, and it always seems like they're on the roads or in stores at the same time as me. Should some of them be reading this, I have some information for them:

1. WHEN YOU ARE DRIVING ON A TRAFFIC CIRCLE/ROUNDABOUT/WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT TO CALL IT, YOU MUST WAIT YOUR TURN TO GET ON THE CIRCLE. TRAFFIC ALREADY ON THE CIRCLE DOES NOT, I REPEAT, DOES NOT STOP TO LET YOUR DUMB FUCK ASSES ON. Doing so only results in my daydreaming about your getting rear-ended and my laughing my ass off before getting out of my vehicle to render assistance to you like any INTELLIGENT NON KNUCKLE DRAGGING DUMB FUCK would.

2. ENTRANCE RAMPS TO THE HIGHWAY ARE THERE TO GIVE YOU ENOUGH TIME TO GET UP TO THE SPEED OF TRAFFIC ALREADY ON THE ROAD, AND TO GIVE YOU PLENTY OF TIME TO EITHER SPOT A GAP IN WHICH TO MERGE OR, IF NO SUCH GAP EXISTS, TO YIELD. GIVING ME THE FINGER BECAUSE I DID NOT YIELD TO YOU AND LET YOU ON TO THE HIGHWAY FROM YOUR ENTRANCE RAMP ONLY RESULTS IN MY THINKING THAT YOU ARE A DUMB FUCK AND DAYDREAMING THAT SOME DAY, SOME WHERE, SOMEONE IN A MUCH BIGGER VEHICLE THAN YOU TEACHES YOU THAT YOU ARE THE ONE WHO HAS TO YIELD AND I WILL BE THERE TO SEE IT. DUMBASS!!!!!!!!!!!

3. If you are a store manager, please understand that there is an appropriate place to chastise your employees, and that place would be the quiet of an office somewhere - NOT AT HER REGISTER IN FRONT OF A STORE FULL OF CUSTOMERS. Your behaving that way leads me to believe that you are in fact a DUMB TWUNT and daydream in vivid color about how satisfying it would feel, were I unfortunate enough to work for you, to turn around and tell you to shove it up your fucking arse and give you the finger before walking out on you AND your sucky job. I told the little girl you shit all over that if it was any consolation I thought you were a fucking bitch for doing that to her and that she didn't deserve it.

4. A red light is a red light is a red light, people. It doesn't mean 'go' - unless it's blinking, and even then you have to stop and yield to other traffic first. If I have a green light, it means that I get to go and you DO NOT. Pulling out in front of me and then rolling down your window to cuss at me when I AM CLEARLY THE ONE IN THE RIGHT is just not apropos and results in my daydreaming about cutting you off so you have to come to a stop, getting out of my car, sauntering over to your driver side window and telling you in a very low and quiet voice (you know I'm beyond pissed when I DON'T yell) that you were wrong..oh so wrong....and that you should really NOT cuss people out until you're certain they're not ninjas like myself. I'd watch your eyes grow wide at the shock of being confronted by a bona fide Ninja, wondering if i was going to fuck you up totally or just hurt you some.....and then I'd bid you a good day, sir, walk back to my car and go home, feeling incredibly satisfied and very happy.

I really wish that my daydreams were real sometimes.

5 comments:

Chris said...

Ninja - that's my kind of rage girl. Now just imagine you're chasing them when you're running!

Epijunky said...

Uhm... I think I love you.

No, not in that way, but in that Oh... MY GOD are you full of awesomeness kind of way.

You and I in a car together in Toledo would result in someone going to jail. Luckily I'd be in a car win a Ninja, so it wouldn't be us.

RD said...

Christmas Rage!

Wooh!

Chris said...

Epi... Can I come with please? Sounds fun!

icemanof92 said...

I completely agree with alot of these especially those related to the road...and I have one of my own that happened yesterday and made me absolutely furious.

I was at an intersection and had a green light. There was a car ahead of me waiting to turn left and so I was going around him to go straight when a dumbass brainless idiot from the other direction made a fucking left and cut right in front of me. If I didn't have places to be I might have hit him just to teach him a lesson.