Saturday, December 6, 2008

Jeff Conaway: faker, loser, putz.

I've watched every episode of VH1's Celebrity Rehab this season. For some reason, I'm finding it strangely addictive and I have to say that, with the exception of one of the participants, I'm feeling genuinely sorry for the celebs. Some of them have been exploited (Amber), some of them are genuinely nice folks who never asked for the notoriety they've gained (Rodney King) and some just had horrible accidents (Gary Busey).

One of them, however, is a total loser who is so manipulative and such a fucking diva I have been unable to find one redeeming quality in them.

Jeff Conaway. The guy who played Kenickie in 'Grease' and who had a part in the TV show 'Taxi'.

He seems to think that he is a whole lot more important than he actually is. He's a has-been, an aging actor who was moderately successful many years ago but who hasn't really done much of anything since. A few straight to DVD B-movies, a stint on Celebrity Fit Club (where he proved himself to be a self-important prick - anyone recall the shoe throwing episode where he told the panel that they were nothing compared to him?) and another stint on Celebrity Rehab part I. That's pretty much all he's known for. But according to him, he's a big-shot, a movie star, an a-lister. Uh huh. And I'm a 6' tall supermodel.

Jeff Conaway got hurt a few years ago. He hurt his back and has since has "four or five surgeries", leaving him unable to stand upright, confined to a wheelchair at times and when he CAN walk he staggers about, leaning heavily on a cane. He wears an antiquated back brace and does not waste any opportunity to let people know how much pain he's in and how he's a cripple. He claims his girlfriend kicked him in the back after his most recent surgery and her actions were SO detrimental to his health that he needs more surgeries.

His neurologists, however, disagree. They don't think there are any more procedures they can perform that will alleviate the pain he claims he's having and the general insinuation is that Mr Conaway is at the very least greatlyexaggerating the amount of pain he's in, if not outright faking it.

I agree. I've had the same injury that Jeff claims to have had, you see. I've had two surgeries to stabilize my spine and repair some of the damage done. I know how it is to have lumbar pain and sciatic neuropathy. So does my friend Epi. We both know that when you have sciatic and lower back pain, crossing your legs when you're sitting in a chair is excruciating, and kicking someone when you're laying in a prone position on a bed is near impossible. Poor Epi couldn't even roll herself over in bed at one point because she was hurting so bad, and I've found myself unable to get into the shower more times than I care to recall because I couldn't lift my leg high enough to step over the edge of the tub.

Apparently Jeff Conaway didn't get that particular memo. Throughout this second season of Celebrity Rehab I have seen him cross his legs numerous times without even flinching. He does it without seeming to even think about it. He also manages to kick his girlfriend in the chest so hard that she's sent flying about 3' across the room....he's laying on a bed, she's standing over him, and he bends his knee, brings it clear up to his chest, then plants his foot in her chest and shoves. How in the hell he manages to do that I have no idea..... when my back was at it's worst I'd never have been able to even contemplate doing such a thing. It would have been impossible.

Actually, I DO have an idea of how he manages to do that. It's because he's faking. Yes, there may have been something wrong with his back at one point in his life, but right now I don't think it's nearly as bad as he's claiming it to be. I think that he SAYS it's bad so that he can keep his source of opiate pain medication. I also think that's why he wants more surgeries, despite people far more knowledgeable than him telling him that it's futile to perform any further surgical interventions. He's an addict, obviously, but I think that he truly believes himself superior to the other participants on the show because he has a 'legitimate' reason to take narcotics,

I also think that there's more than a little attention seeking going on. As long as he's crippled, he has a way to manipulate people. As long as he's injured, he can behave badly and justify his actions because he's in 'pain'.

He also has a habit of calling 911 when he doesn't get his way, both at the rehab facility AND at home. He wanted to leave, was told he could walk out any time he wanted, then insisted the staff pack his bags for him. When he was told in no uncertain terms that that wouldn't be happening, he called 911 and said he was being held against his will. Whenever he has a fight with his girlfriend and she won't do what he wants her to do, he calls 911. He claims that she hits him, and that's why he calls - which is yet another angle on the 'poor, pitiful me' game he likes to play.

Everything is always someone elses fault. Everyone is out to get him. He doesn't ever instigate any of these crises he finds himself in; he's always the victim, whether it be a victim of circumstance or a victim of another person. Poor Jeff. Poor, poor pitiful a wheelchair, can't walk, in constant pain and denied the medications he so desperately and obviously needs. Poor Jeff, saddled with a horrible bitch for a girlfriend who doesn't understand him or his condition. Poor Jeff, made to pack (and subsequently UN pack) his own belongings, even though he's clearly a very ill and injured man.

Puhleeze. Give me a fucking break. The only thing Jeff Conaway is a victim of is his own exaggerated sense of self-importance. He drives me nuts with his 'I'm SO ill, puhleeeeze help me, nobody understand what it's like to be me' routine, and I'm not the only one. Even his fellow patients on the show are getting sick of it and have taken to predicting when he will call 911.

I don't know if Jeff ever Googles himself, but I imagine that with an ego the size of Alaska he probably looks for articles about himself pretty regularly. If that's the case, I truly hope he reads this. In case he does, I have this to say:

Mr Conaway, you're a putz. Get over yourself.


Epijunky said...


At it's worst, I couldn't lift my left foot off the floor. My poor Mother had to pick my foot up and simultaneously put my sock on.

To kick someone in the chest from a supine position? First of all, why in the hell would I want to do that? Secondly... HAHAHHAHAHA.

Yeah. Not happening.

I'd say he's testing positive for BS. He sounds like a candidate for *cough* punitive *cough* ALS.


Epijunky said...

Watching it right now, btw... Just noticed that while he hobbles around with that cane he never actually uses it... Or at least I haven't seen him use it yet.