Adolf, Aryan and Honszlynn. WTF?

The little cutie in between the neck-tatted white-trash retards in the above photo is Adolf Hitler Campbell.

Little Adolf had a birthday recently, and his knuckle-dragging genetic donors (sorry, I'm not going to call them parents) went to a grocery store and asked for a cake with 'Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler Campbell' on it. The store refused, saying that it had Jewish employees and that to do so would be not only disrespectful but downright painful for them. Little Adolf's parents went to WalMart, and then to the media with their bullshit story of discrimination.

*sigh* I don't even know where to begin with this one, so bear with me. I'll try and be somewhat organized, but if my ideas seem fractured, I'm sorry.

1. Who the fuck gets their ENTIRE name iced onto a birthday cake - or any other kind of cake, for that matter? I've got 40 years on this earth and I have never, ever had my whole first, middle and last names inscribed on a bakery good. Furthermore, I've never attended a single birthday party where the guest of honor had their whole name on their cake, either. This fact leads me to believe that Adolf's genetic donors are in fact nothing more than publicity whores. And stupid. Oh so fucking stupid. So stupid that I wonder how they managed to reproduce.

2. Speaking of reproduction, Adolf has siblings. I know, I know, I worry for humanity too. The siblings names are JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Hoszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell. This tells me that Adolph's male genetic donor's excuse of "we wanted to give him a name that nobody else in the world would have" is, again, bullshit. They could have called him Tap Water. Or Bed Pan. Even TV Remote. I'll betcha there aren't any other kids in the world with those names. Once again, the genetic donors actions in giving their children those names leads me to believe that they are publicity whores. Stupid ones, to boot.

3. If you are going to give your children such controversial names, names that make your racial affiliation and personal feelings about people of other colors and faiths than yourself very clear, then at least be prepared to stand by your personal convictions when the media that you court finally comes-a-callin'. For example: I'm not a Christian, I'm a happy Atheist. If I called children I birthed 'Jesus Is Dead' and 'God Is A Lie' NinjaMedic, you can bet your arse I'd be telling people the truth about why I chose those names and making sure people knew about my spiritual philosophy (and the lack thereof). I sure as fuck wouldn't use " I wanted to give them an unusual name" as my explanation. It's kind of a moot point because a) I already named my babies, b) I'm not a knuckle-dragging-neck-tatted-white-trash genetic donor; I am a PARENT and c) I actually WANT my kids to succeed and wouldn't ever had saddled them with such names (shut up, Urbaner. 'Nirvana' is a very suitable name for a little girl. I just liked 'Shea' better).

So, once again, I have to come to the conclusion that Adolf's genetic donors are whoring their kids out to gain publicity, Z list celebrity status and probably in the hope that their children will be getting gifts from benevolent strangers this holiday season. And free drinks for them in the local bars, of course. Can't forget that. I'm quite sure they're not doing it for purely altruistic reasons or because they're trying to do the right thing by their offspring.

The longer I'm alive the more certain I become that there should be some kind of licensing process in place for people who want to have kids. It seems to me a cruel twist of fate that people who really WANT kids and are able to care for them properly can't have them, but people who DON'T really want kids seems to be perpetually pushing them out, then neglecting them.

I'm seriously thinking about setting up a fund for little Adolf and his siblings so that when they grow up and move away from their knuckle-dragging-neck-tatted-waste-of-space-piss-me-off-cuz-they're-breathing-the-same-air-as-me genetic donors they'll be able to change their names to something of their own choosing.

Anyone wanna donate?